Our Common Life Stories

Themes Across 3,105 comments on Social Media

1. Triggers for the Masking "Crash" and Burnout

The comments strongly illustrate that late diagnoses often follow a significant life event that causes an individual's masking abilities to fail, leading to burnout. Common triggers include:

• Perimenopause and Menopause: A very common theme is that hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause strip away the ability to mask. Some describe this as the ultimate burnout or note that previous coping methods no longer worked.

• Parenthood: Becoming a parent, especially a mother, is frequently cited as a catalyst for a crash, with some misidentifying the experience as postpartum depression. The demands of childcare , sleep deprivation , and a loss of routine are significant factors.

• A Child's Diagnosis: Many parents discovered their own neurodivergence only after their children were diagnosed.

• Grief, Trauma, and Abuse: Significant life stressors, such as the death of a parent or loved one , divorce , domestic violence , general trauma , and the stress of the COVID-19 pandemic often led to burnout.

• Career and Academic Stress: Work-related stress, high-demand jobs, and academic pressure are common triggers. This is compounded for those without support.

  
  

2. The Mechanics and Consequences of Masking

The comments reveal that masking is an active, demanding process that has profound consequences.

• "Running on Nerves and Grit": Masking is described as running complex "emulation software," which is exhausting and requires constant effort. Many state they had to learn how to mimic neurotypical behavior manually.

• The Loss of Skills (Skill Regression): Once burnout occurs, many individuals experience a loss of skills. This includes struggling to function daily, losing memory, and feeling like their brains are "broken".

• The "Crash": Burnout is often described as a complete system failure or "crash".

  
  

3. A History of Misdiagnosis

A very prevalent theme is the frustration of spending years or decades with incorrect diagnoses.

• The "Alphabet Soup" of Diagnoses: Before receiving an autism or AuDHD diagnosis, commenters were frequently given other labels. These include depression , anxiety , bipolar disorder , borderline personality disorder (BPD) , PTSD or CPTSD , and chronic fatigue syndrome.

• Physical Comorbidities: Several people link their history of masking to physical issues, such as autoimmune disorders, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS), fibromyalgia, migraines, and POTS.

  
  

4. Systemic Blind Spots: Gender and Generation

Commenters express frustration over how their autism was missed due to systemic biases.

• The "Lost Generation" of Girls/Women: Many female commenters noted that in the past, autism and ADHD were considered "boys' conditions," leading to generations of undiagnosed women.

• Labels Instead of Support: Rather than receiving help, many were labeled as "dramatic," "too sensitive," "lazy," "rebellious," or just "weird".

• High Intelligence as a Mask: For some, high intelligence, being "gifted," or performing well in school masked their struggles and prevented adults from noticing their neurodivergence.

  
  

5. The Emotional Impact of Late Diagnosis

The discovery of being autistic or AuDHD later in life brings a mix of emotions.

• Relief and Understanding: For many, a late diagnosis provides answers and makes their lifelong struggles make sense.

• Grief and Anger: There is mourning for what could have been if they had been diagnosed earlier , and anger at the system or adults who missed the signs.

• A Plea for Help: Some commenters express deep desperation while currently in burnout, asking "how do I uncrash?" and seeking ways to recover when they feel broken.

If these dynamics feel all too familiar, consider booking a free consultation with our team at the Adult Autism Assessment Center. We are all neuro-affirming, and we get it. 

Meet our wonderful neurodivergent team!